MAHERSHALA ALI

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Face: CALIFORNIAN CONQUEROR
Body: DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT
Arms: KNOCKOUT
Personality: COURTEOUS
Distinguishing features: THE ONLY WAY IS UP
Attainability: ZERO CHANCE

He’s been on the list since I first saw him in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (and then more recently in House of Cards), but then I dicked around and I dicked around and I dicked around, and now it looks like I’m jumping on the Oscars bandwagon but I’M FUCKING NOT I SWEAR. Honestly, how could I have ever disregarded that bone structure? You know me, guys. You know I’m like a fucking traction beam for male beauty. So, now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s get down to the real purpose of this post: objectifying this man. Deeply attractive, Mahershala has the physical bearing of a professional athlete – that ramrod straight back, those acutely defined shoulders. His face, neither subscribing to insipid notions of bland, prescriptive handsomeness nor seeming to care about that at all, oscillates wildly between brooding ferocity and spontaneous guilelessness – the latter always accompanied by an unintentionally disarming smile that one feels deeply in one’s reproductive area. I think we can all agree that he is most definitely Mahershala-ing our emotions, amirite?! And congrats on the Oscar, babes.

(For lovely Sophie! Xx)

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