JUSTIN BIEBER

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Face: ANGEL BABY LESBIAN
Body: WORK IN PROGRESS
Arms: NEVER SAY NEVER
Personality: ON THE UP
Distinguishing features: GOT ALL THE BEST GANJA
Attainability: WIDE OPEN, Y’ALL!

Listen to me; you might not think you want this right now, but very soon you will and just remember who was here for you. I was once like you. I was once a non-Belieber. I saw the light. Come on over to the bright side, everybody. Join me! You’ll never look back. The chocolate drop eyes will get you even if the Rubik’s Cube skills don’t. Look at that little face. He’s the most beautiful boy. He just wants to be loved – who doesn’t? He just wants to smoke weed with his monkey and have sex with Brazilian escorts and vandalise hotel rooms and be cute on TV shows and get in fights with Orlando Bloom and be loved – who doesn’t? You know you want to succumb. You know you want to follow this fluffy tail down the rabbit hole. You know you want to dive into these depths. You know you want to. Join us . . . . join us. It feels so good.

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