THE ROCK

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Face: AGELESS
Body: COLOSSAL
Arms: PYTHONS SWALLOWING A COW
Personality:  SUPER GENIAL
Distinguishing features: NEED WE GO THERE?
Attainability: HAPPY FAMILIES

If you’d have asked me fifteen years ago if I fancied this guy, I’d have been like ‘heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell no’. I mean, WTAF. But, there has been a seismic change. A shift so huge that it seems inconceivable. The Rock, the cheesiest of all the WWE wrestlers, has become . . . sexy. He’s honed a devastating combination of quick wit, notable intelligence, the ability to laugh at himself, perfect and dazzling teeth, an aura of kindness, and the overwhelming sense of sheer manly capability. Look at the size of his fucking arms! I’ve seen train carriages smaller than those! He could lift you out of a ginormous fire with basically no effort whatsoever. Plus, he isn’t scared to look like a massive tit just to make you laugh (see here). Showing Hollywood what a savvy businessman he is, he has built an empire in less than a decade and is now one of the industry’s highest earners. Paper, scissors, rock. Fuck YEAH.

P.S. Watch Ballers, it’s lolololl.

(For Mick, and all the other dudes who got love for the D-Dawg. Xx)

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2 Responses to THE ROCK

  1. Lou says:

    Fun Fact: I used to work at a gym near a very swank hotel. We’d often get A-ist guests and I’d have to roll out the red gym carpet. We get a call to say Le Rock is coming in. He asks for NO special treatment. Is gorgeous, MAHUSIVE, charms the shit out of everyone and when he is told how much of a crush one of our lovely and very camp hairdressers from the salon has on him and was too shy to go over, he beams and shouts “hey shy boy! come on over!’ and is basically just lush. Crush ever since.

    • totallywould says:

      Oh my god, this is GREAT. He does genuinely seem like a really cool guy who knows he is lucky and doesn’t take it for granted. Thanks for sharing!

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