MILES TELLER

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Face: CUSACK-LITE
Body: FOOTLOOSE
Arms: WHIPLASHED
Personality: TELLERS IT LIKE IT IS
Distinguishing features: LOTS OF SCARS, PHWOAR
Attainability: DATING A MEGABABE

Hiyaaaa! Remember me? Yeah, I’m back! Soz about the wait for a new post. I’m hella busy, so please fuck off. But look at what we’ve got here: a young buck in the prime of his life. A John Cusack for Generation Y with the talent, drive, and charisma to match. Never tell me that I don’t know what you want, guys. So, what do we do here? We take the original Cusack and throw him around a bit via a near-fatal car accident. Voila! Scars! Fit. Awesome, what’s next? Oh, he saves a heavily pregnant woman from drowning in a riptide? Yep, we’ll take that too. Next up, he gets cast in about eight amazing roles at once, including playing Mister Fantastic in the new Fantastic Four effort – YES MATE. I think that’s enough for now. I don’t want to overwhelm you all, tbh.

(For Sian – who loves a bit of whipping and lashing herself. Xxx)

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