KAYVAN NOVAK

Kayvan-Novak-actor-and-co-011Face: PRINCE OF PERSIA
Body: INTERNATIONAL PLAYBOY ON VACAY IN MARBELLA
Arms: SO WORTHY
Personality: LOLJACKER
Distinguishing features: WON THE GENETIC LOTTERY
Attainability: LOOKS GOOD

Here’s another one who has been on the list for a considerable amount of time. After his incredibly handsome visage appeared on The Great British Bake Off the other day I decided to hurry the fuck up for the sake of all of humanity. Have you even SEEN him?! Bloody hell! He’s so good looking that I have genuinely Googled ‘kayvan novak married?’ about forty eight times over the last couple of years. Those perfect white teeth! That flawless olive skin! Those wonderfully long legs! That shiny black hair, those dark eyes burning with intensity, that perfectly slim torso, that, those, that, those… I bet he smells fantastic – like clean laundry and cinnamon. Well, you can fuck off to the back of the queue, anyway. If anyone’s gonna sample his home baking, it’s gonna be me.

(For Sharmila, Mhairi, Lizzie and everyone else. Xx)

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