DAN STEVENS

Screen Shot 2015-03-01 at 11.10.40 AMFace: THAT GUY FROM UNI WHO SUDDENLY GOT FIT
Body: SHRINKING
Arms: EX-DOWNTON FLABBY
Personality: GENTLEMAN
Distinguishing features: CERULEAN EYES
Attainability: MARRIED FFS

Some guys are well better when they’re a little bit heavier, but some lose about two stone and all of a sudden are in a whole new league (see also, Calvin Harris). Sorry, Dan mate, but you’re the latter. Well, why should I be sorry? You know as well as I do that trimming up a bit and getting a decent haircut has increased your chances of starring in a film opposite Jennifer Lawrence by about 300%. Although I didn’t watch Downton that much because it had loads of Tories in it (probably) and also I was too busy working and going out raving with male models, I did catch a few choice episodes and I’ll tell you this for now – I would have WOULDed you when you were a bit chubbier, too. But I forgot. So, now I look like a fairweather stalker, don’t I. Ah well, I sure look forward to seeing you morph into our nation’s version of Ryan Gosling. Pleeeeeeeeeeeease do a Drive.

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