MANUEL NEUER

600full-manuel-neuerFace: BOY-MAN
Body: THE DESTROY(NEU)ER
Arms: ABSOLUTELY FUCKING MASSIVE
Personality: SEEMS SOUND
Distinguishing Features: BEST GOALIE IN THE WORLD
Attainability: SOME SORT OF MODEL BABE-WAG PROBABLY

If you saw the World Cup final last night, you’ll possibly be of the opinion that the man of the match was the prepubescent ventriloquist’s dummy, Mario Götze, who scored the winning (and only) goal. Or how about professional German, Bastian Schweinsteiger? Nah. For me, it was the mountainous frame of the heroic goalkeeper, Manuel Neuer. Impressively nimble for one so big (6’4″ to be exact), Neuer does a lot of sexy running around for a goalie. I realise that he has the type of face that probably looks piggy-eyed first thing in the morning, and presumably – like most footballers – he has an overwhelming tendency to act like a primo dickwad; but despite the porcine visage and (totally imagined, tbh) immaturity, I’d still like to do some handling of my own. WITHOUT the gloves.

(Hey Quiggers! xx)

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