Monthly Archives: July 2014

JAMES GARNER

Face: MATT DILLON SENIOR Body: HUNKORAMA Arms: MAVERICKS Personality: DUDER Distinguishing Features: JAWLINE HEWN FROM GRANITE Attainability: NOT A CHANCE Here’s a great fact about JG: he married his wife, Lois (a single mother with a seven year old child … Continue reading

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MANUEL NEUER

Face: BOY-MAN Body: THE DESTROY(NEU)ER Arms: ABSOLUTELY FUCKING MASSIVE Personality: SEEMS SOUND Distinguishing Features: BEST GOALIE IN THE WORLD Attainability: SOME SORT OF MODEL BABE-WAG PROBABLY If you saw the World Cup final last night, you’ll possibly be of the … Continue reading

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DOMINIK BAUER

Face: ALPINE RANGE Body: TECHNOTEUTONIC Arms: PERFEKT Personality: SEHR SCH├ľN Distinguishing Features: CHEEKBONESSSSSSS Attainability: DUNNO Ahhhh, Germany. Excellent at producing cars, beer, and stable financial economies. The other thing they excel at is spawning massive, strapping, tremendously hunky men. Now, … Continue reading

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SAM SHEPARD

Face: HOUND Body: THE RIGHT STUFF Arms: LIMBER Personality: STEEL MAGNOLIA Distinguishing Features: DEDICATED WRITER Attainability: FAIR GAME Obviously, it’s nearly always terrible for your partner if you have a long, creatively inspiring, ground-shaking extra-marital affair – everybody knows that. … Continue reading

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