Monthly Archives: February 2014

KEVIN SPACEY

Face: AMERICAN BEAUTY Body: SUBURBAN DAD Arms: THE USUAL SUSPECTS Personality: PHILANTHROPIC Distinguishing Features: CHOCOLATE VOICE Attainability: OOPS I JUST HAPPENED TO FALL OVER ONTO THIS GAY MAN’S PENIS Here’s another one who’s been on the list for, like, ever, … Continue reading

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NICHOLAS HOULT

Face: HIPSTER VAMPIRE Body: A SINGLE MANCHILD Arms: FIRST CLASS Personality: ABOUT A (HUNDRED PERCENT BETTER THAN A) BOY Distinguishing Features: DIMPLES Attainability: POTENTIALLY ENGAGED TO J-LAW Dude, he’s twenty four now, OK? That’s nearly a quarter of a century … Continue reading

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JONNY

Today’s special guest post comes from Twitter’s best funny fucker, The Sarcastialist. If you’re one of those daft cunts that doesn’t ‘do Twitter’ then you won’t know what we’re on about so you may as well just not even bother … Continue reading

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OSCAR ISAAC

Face: ANDY GARCIA’S LOVECHILD Body: JAILBIRD Arms: CUBAN BUILDER Personality: DRIVE(N) Distinguishing Features: MUSICAL TALENT Attainability: DUNNO You might not immediately correlate Oscar Isaac’s ace performance as a 1960s Greenwich folk singer in Inside Llewyn Davis with his Latino gangsta … Continue reading

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