Monthly Archives: June 2013

AYRTON SENNA

Face: A HEAD FOR BUSINESS Body: A BODY FOR SINNA Arms: VROOOOOOOM!! Personality: QUIETLY FOCUSED Distinguishing Features: CHARITABLE VIBES Attainability: REALLY DEAD I can’t think of anything I’d like to watch on TV less than Formula One. Cricket. Maybe cricket. … Continue reading

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ROB JAMES-COLLIER

Face: EASTERN EUROPEAN DAVID GANDY Body: (MANCUNIAN) WAY FIT Arms: DOWNTON GRABBY Personality: EFFERVESCENT Distinguishing Features: CHEEKBONES Attainability: LOOKS ALRIGHT ACTUALLY I only watched Coronation Street for about a fortnight a few years back after I was scrolling idly through … Continue reading

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MONTGOMERY CLIFT

Face: JULIAN McMAHON SNR Body: A PLACE IN THE FUN Arms: THE MISFITS Personality: UNHAPPY Distinguishing Features: BEZZAS WITH LIZ TAYLOR Attainability: DEADED Ah. It’s a shame, innit. Poor old Monty. He just couldn’t get it together after his 1956 … Continue reading

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OLIVIER MARTINEZ

Face: FELINE Body: (MAKES ME WANNA BE) UNFAITHFUL Arms: PARISIAN CONSTRUCTION WORKER Personality: GALLIC-TASTIC Distinguishing Features: SEXUAL ALLURE Attainability: ENGAGED TO HALLE BERRY. THUS, MINIMAL. That scene in Unfaithful when Diane Lane is on the train and recollects an illicit … Continue reading

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CHARLES EAMES

Face: CASE STUDY Body: EAMES OTTO-MAN Arms: HANG-IT-ALL Personality: CREATIVE GENIUS Distinguishing Features: ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL DESIGNERS EVER Attainability: DEAD. BUT WAS MARRIED FOR 37 YEARS Despite the relative ubiquity of some of the Eames’ designs amongst the … Continue reading

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