JAMIE DORNAN

Jamie-Dornan-for-ZARA-Spring-2011-DESIGNSCENE-net-12Face: WOODLAND CREATURE
Body: CK GENES
Arms: GOOD FOR A STRANGLE-WANK
Personality: NO ONE CARES
Distinguishing Features: GOD-GIVEN FACE
Attainability: MARRIED

Back when Mr Dornan was a top model, I always thought how great he would look in a film. Naked. My dreams came true in 2006 when he was cast as a Swedish army captain who bumps uglies with Kirsten Dunst’s Marie Antoinette in Sofia Coppola’s beautiful, pastel re-imagining of the historical saga. The actual ‘facts’ were so irrelevant. The real life Von Fersen (if there was one) probably looked like some sort of toad. But Jamie’s face! Woah. Now, after various TV roles, he is appearing in The Fall with Scully from the X Files and he plays the fittest serial killer to ever live since Patrick Bateman. I mean, it’s not like the Calvin Klein modelling days when he would writhe around wearing only a pair of jeans, but it’s still pretty fucking good. Don’t think about the two years he was dating Keira Knightley, it ruins it.

(For Rich — who is just as pervy as me (maybe even more so). Xx)

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