Monthly Archives: February 2013

MATT DILLON

Face: THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MONKEY Body: TO DIE FOR Arms: BRAT PACK CLASSICS Personality: EASYGOING Distinguishing Features: STRAIGHTEST EYEBROWS IN UNIVERSE Attainability: POSSIBLY SINGLE Matt Dillon is forty-nine — fuck OFF! Fuck! Where has all that time gone, eh… Early … Continue reading

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MATTHEW MODINE

Face: MEMPHIS BELLE-ISSIMO Body: PACIFIC HEIGHTS (6’4″, NO LESS) Arms: (NOT SO) SHORT CUTS Personality: SANGUINE Distinguishing Features: A TRULY EXCELLENT HEAD OF HAIR Attainability: LONG-TIME WIFE (AND KIDS) If there’s one thing you can say about Modine, it’s that … Continue reading

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D’ANGELO

Face: BROWN SUGAR Body: FILTH Arms: LEFT & RIGHT Personality: MR BIG STUFF, VOODOO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Distinguishing Features: PRINCE-VOICE Attainability: CRUISIN’ (AND BEING ARRESTED FOR IT) Selfishly, D’Angelo goes on a lot of mini-breaks from the music industry … Continue reading

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ANTONIO BANDERAS

Face: MATADORABLE Body: THE SKIN HE LIVES IN Arms: ANDALUSIAN ADONIS Personality: AMENABLE Distinguishing Features: LATIN PASSION Attainability: MARRIED TO GRIFFITHS, INNIT Ai ai aiiii. Have you seen Banderas recently? Phwoar. He is looking MINXY. Greying round the temples, got … Continue reading

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GABRIEL MACHT

Face: SANE, BLONDE, JEWISH TOM CRUISE Body: SURPRISINGLY TITCHY Arms: SUITABLE Personality: SEEMS ALRIGHT I SUPPOSE Distinguishing Features: HOLLYWOOD CREASE-Y SMILE Attainability: MARRIED. ARSE. Gabes here first came to my attention in Sex And The City where he played a … Continue reading

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MARTIN HENDERSON

Face: TWINKLE-EYED CHARMER Body: ALL BLACKS Arms: SHEEP FARMER Personality: TURNIP Distinguishing Features: DIMPLETASTIC Attainability: DATING COUGARS Seeing as I’m currently in New Zealand, I thought I’d do a Kiwi special today. Mr Henderson may not be immediately familiar to … Continue reading

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MICHAEL J. FOX

Face: FOREVER TEEN Body: MICRO Arms: MINI Personality: SWEETHEART Distinguishing Features: PARKINSON’S DISEASE FUNDRAISER EXTRAORDINAIRE Attainability: MARRIED It’s the nostalgia thing, innit. I mean, in the eighties he was just so dreamy. He had that compact little body, and those … Continue reading

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