JEREMY PIVEN

Jeremy-Piven-gap-435702_807_1120Face: IF HOBBITS WERE FIT
Body: SICILIAN BUILDER
Arms: (ARI) GOLD STAR
Personality: SELF-DEPRECATING
Distinguishing features: SACRED COW EYES
Attainability: SINGLE…?

Have you ever heard about the Piven spat with professional cunt, Stephen Dorff? Jezza called him out for trying to jump the queue for the toilets in Bungalow 8 by apparently saying, ‘No, no, no. You are going to wait in line like the rest of us, you privileged, spoon-fed son of a bitch.’ Fucking brilliant. I fell even more in love with Piven when I heard this. Imagine Dorff having a massive tantrum like a were-pig baby — EXCELLENT. As well as being an ace motherfucker, Piven has soft and and gentle chocolate eyes, eyelashes to die for, smooth olive Russian-Jew skin, and is stylishly brilliant as agent Ari Gold in the ace Entourage. See him (topically) in Mr Selfridge on ITV1 and marvel at his charisma and all-round brill-ness.

(For Elliot, professional pretty face and hilarious quipper. Xx)

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