What have Jamie and Louise done — sold their souls to Satan, or what? How come they haven’t aged in the last ten years? It’s freaking me out a bit. In fact, they both look better now than they did then! But anyway, enough about her, the fucking BITCH*, let’s focus on the male of the species in this pairing. He’s got that boy-next-door attainability look, yet behind that preppy and possibly Debenhams stripy acrylic scarf-wearing (please God, no) image, I suspect there is a sexual beast of the highest order. I mean, I bet he must get so worked up sitting on the sidelines like that and watching all those mistakes being made on the pitch. Quite happy to let him do some groin stretches in my bed, if need be. I mean, it’s just that it’s warmer there, which is better for his poor muscles. Selfless, I am.
(For Quiggers and Henners: both massive Scouse nauses but both “OK” I suppose. Xx)
*(disclaimer: she isn’t a bitch, she actually seems like the nicest woman in the world)