JASON SEGEL

Face: SNUFFLEUPAGUS
Body: TOWERING
Arms: EXPANSIVE
Personality: MARSHMELLOW
Distinguishing features: LOVES PUPPETS
Attainability: GOING OUT WITH MICHELLE WILLIAMS (AWW)

I’m feeling pretty shite right now, you know. I’ve got loads of work on, I’m barely getting any sleep, I’m sort of permanently about to get a cold. You know? You know. And when I feel like a right old bag of blended arseholes, it’s nice to think about big, cuddly, warm-hearted men who can pick you up (literally) and put you on the sofa; who can make you dinner, and stroke your hair; who can make you laugh and laugh until your belly aches; who can care for you in the manner to which you should be accustomed. Lucky Michelle Williams — I bet she gets some ultra-brilliant hugs from this dude. Six foot four inches of solid, comforting man mountain. Oh, yes please. Look at those soft, gentle, brown eyes and smiley face! LUVVERLY.

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