Monthly Archives: September 2012

BEN BRIDWELL

Face: 1880S MORMAN Body: ORIGINAL HIPSTER Arms: STARBUCKS PART-TIMER Personality: SERIOUS Distinguishing features: A WAY WITH WORDS Attainability: MARRIED WITH BABES Look, right, the reason you look at all those douches in Brooklyn and Shoreditch and Portland and go ‘urgh, … Continue reading

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PAUL SCHNEIDER

Face: LABRADOR PUPPY Body: TALL N NEAT Arms: LOOOOOONG Personality: BRIGHT STAR Distinguishing features: GENTLE FACE Attainability: DUNNO Aaaaah. He’s dead lovely, Paul Schneider. You might be thinking, ‘who?’ but chances are you’ve seen him in Elizabethtown, The Assassination of … Continue reading

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ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

Face: BRISTLY Body: VAST Arms: ORDINARY Personality: SOUND Distinguishing features: BEAR QUALITIES Attainability: MARRIED TO AN ACE WOMAN Yeah, yeah, he’s a bit fat. So what? I don’t see nuthin’ wrong with a little extra timber. And if you’ve only … Continue reading

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BRAD PITT

Face: JAMES DEAN II Body: USA(DONIS) Arms: HOT DAAAAMN Personality: HUMANITARIAN Distinguishing features: INTO BUILDINGS N SHIT Attainability: YEAH….NO That Levi’s advert in the early 90s is wot dun it, Officer. Young Bradley was just so very, very all-American, and … Continue reading

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JOHN CORBETT

Face: FAMILIAR Body: UBER-MAN Arms: HUNKSVILLE, USA Personality: BIT ‘MEH’ Distinguishing features: DISARMING GRIN Attainability: SHACKED UP WITH BO DEREK Were you Team Aiden or Team Big? I was Team Aiden aaaaaaaall the way — he was so much better. … Continue reading

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BRANDON BOYD

Face: BABY DEPP Body: INKED Arms: SINEWY Personality: ARTY FARTY Distinguishing features: DISARMING SMILE Attainability: MODELIZER Incubus? Not a fan. Brandon Boyd? YES PLEASE. Fucking beautiful. And he can write, and sing, and make art, and be intense, and all … Continue reading

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ALBERT FINNEY

Face: DEVIANT Body: RECTANGULAR Arms: SALFORD BRICKLAYER Personality: CHEEKY Distinguishing features: THE FINNEY EYE TWINKLE Attainability: ON HIS THIRD WIFE Have you ever seen Saturday Night & Sunday Morning? If not, watch it immediately. You won’t believe how brilliant it … Continue reading

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