Personality: FOCUSED
Distinguishing features: EIGHT-TIME OLYMPIC MEDALIST
Attainability: SINGLE!

It’s hard to pick a feature that stands out with this dude, to be honest. Errrrm, yeah, I’m looking at that photo and I just can’t pick out a single thing . . .  Obviously I’m writing in jest — LOOK AT HIS FUCKING BODY AND HIS CROTCH!! Boy got it going ooooooooooon! This mighty merman just snaffled the gold medal in the men’s individual 400m at the London Olympics, and WOW is he fast. As well as being an Olympic champion, a world-class athlete, and a stone cold fox, Lochte was only the fourth ever male to feature on the front cover of American Vogue (the others being Richard Gere pictured with then wife Cindy Crawford, George Clooney featured with Gisele, and LeBron James — again with Gisele. Alright Gisele love, back off yeah? Blimey!), suggesting that uptight ice-frag editor Anna Wintour shares our appreciation of this fine male form. And who can blame her?

(For Stephanie, who loves SPORT xx)

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3 Responses to RYAN LOCHTE

  1. Vivienne says:


  2. Julia says:

    Beautiful, talented, great energy, and FUN (loves practical jokes and to head to the pub) Let’s take him to the pub, girls! Whooooo

  3. helen says:

    He does actually have a bird though…gutted.

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