Monthly Archives: July 2012

ALEX TURNER

Face: SATURDAY NIGHT AND SUNDAY MONKEY Body: ARCTIC TREKKER Arms: SPINDLY Personality: DROLL Distinguishing features: MUSICAL PROWESS Attainability: GOT A RIGHT FIT BIRD After his impressive performance at the Olympic opening ceremony with his band, I was reminded of the … Continue reading

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RYAN LOCHTE

Face: FRAT-BOY Body: POSEIDON, THE EARLY YEARS Arms: IMPRESSIVE Personality: FOCUSED Distinguishing features: EIGHT-TIME OLYMPIC MEDALIST Attainability: SINGLE! It’s hard to pick a feature that stands out with this dude, to be honest. Errrrm, yeah, I’m looking at that photo … Continue reading

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ASHLEY WALTERS

Face: STILL WALTERS RUN DEEP Body: RAPPER’S DELIGHT Arms: SO SOLID Personality: MOODY Distinguishing Features: RISING STAR Attainability: LONG TERM PARTNER & KIDS Hiya Ash! You know when you were just some kid from Peckham, and then you got a … Continue reading

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DAVE FRANCO

Face: FRANC-LY GORGEOUS Body: TAUT Arms: REAL NICE Personality: LAUGH A MINUTE Distinguishing Features: GOOD FAMILY GENES Attainability: HOPEFULLY SINGLE Yep, it’s true: there isn’t just one Franco to lust over. In fact there are three: Tom Franco is also … Continue reading

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FABRIZIO MORETTI

Face: ITALO FITSO Body: FAB-ULOUS Arms: RAD Personality: OPEN-MINDED Distinguishing Features: GOOD ON DRUMZ Attainability: GOING OUT WITH KRISTEN WIIG (DUDE) Historically, the drummer is often the ugliest member of the band. Not in the case of The Strokes, who … Continue reading

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TYSON BECKFORD

Face: CARIBBEAN KING Body: FUCKING AMAZING Arms: PERFECTO Personality: MEGAPENIS Distinguishing Features: BEAUTY Attainability: GOT A VICTORIA’S SECRET MODEL MISSUS (OBVS) So, he’s a toss pot of a person — that’s quite well documented. Arrogant, vain, and under the impression … Continue reading

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ADRIEN BRODY

Face: BIG BIRD Body: SURPRISINGLY HENCH Arms: RIPPED Personality: CULTURED Distinguishing Features: NOSE Attainability: LOOKING GOOD I do love a sexy big schnoz on a man. Especially on nice, tall, elegant men. So good to have a bit of character, … Continue reading

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