JASON SCHWARTZMAN

Face: ITALIAN/JEW LIBRARY NERD AT A PHOENIX GIG IN WILLIAMSBURG
Body: DOLL-LIKE
Arms: UNIMPRESSIVE
Personality: WORDY
Distinguishing Features: SON OF ROCKY (SORTA)
Attainability: MARRIED WITH OFFSPRING

He’s mega titchy but he’s a good ‘un. A pocket rocket, if you will. I just saw Moonrise Kingdom yesterday and Schwartzman was in it (obviously, what with it being a Wes Anderson film an’ all . . . ) looking fiiiiine, with a short back and sides and some mirrored aviators. Hot. Like a little dork WW2 pilot. Anyways, his mum is Talia Shire, who plays Stallone’s wife in the Rocky films. That is way rad, and obviously he is also the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola, cousin of Sofia, and cousin of Nicolas Cage (poor guy, hope he doesn’t have to sit next to him at Thanksgiving). I know he’s not to everyone’s taste, but he sure is to my taste — dark, swarthy, puppy-dog eyes, looks Jewish, probs got loads of memorabilia from Apocalypse Now, etc.

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One Response to JASON SCHWARTZMAN

  1. Vivienne Berryman says:

    A troubled soul. And we all know us girls have a hankering for wanting to ‘cure’ that feature in a swarthy, intelligent man.

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