JESUS CHRIST

Face: PORTLAND HIPSTER
Body: FIXIE-BIKE COURIER
Arms: STIGMATA-RIDDLED
Personality: GIVING
Distinguishing Features: GENEROSITY, PLUS CAN PERFORM MIRACLES
Attainability: OMNIPOTENT

The big JC was a pretty cool guy. He was a hot Jewish bohemian who was like totes happy to share what he had with others, and also had the whole beard thing going on since back in the day. It probably would have been well annoying to hang out with all his creepy weirdo disciples, but no doubt some of them could have been bribed to fuck right off (I’m looking at you here, Judas). Anyway, Jesus had a nice line in artisan-crafted leather sandals, and obviously his step-dad could have banged together a right tidy wooden plan-chest for the studio if needed. We also have Jesus to thank for this glorious four-day weekend, so be grateful and share those bloody Mini Eggs. Kate Love is as big a fan as I am of our Lord, so this post is for her! Can I also point out that I am entirely atheist, so if you are offended by this then you probably shouldn’t have clicked on the link in the first place, dickwad.

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One Response to JESUS CHRIST

  1. Caryll Gray says:

    That’ll get a rise 🙂

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