Monthly Archives: April 2012


Face: 9021-OOH Body: 90-TONED-10 Arms: 902-WANT-0 Personality: 9021-OHIO NICE GUY Distinguishing Features: ALL AMERICAN VIBES Attainability: UNKNOWN, BUT HOPEFUL There are many reasons for watching American teen drama series like 90210. One, you can like totes practice your Valley lingo … Continue reading

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Face: DON DRAPER WITH HIGHLIGHTS Body: HANDYMAN Arms: HEROIC Personality: ARTY FARTY Distinguishing Features: VALIANT CHIN Attainability: YES? PLEASE? Hey Aaron. Remember when you had long hair and a scuzzy beard and played a manly-as-fuck biker in Erin Brockovich? Because … Continue reading

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Face: PEARLY WHITES Body: LOUCHE Arms: ELEGANTLY ANGLED Personality: GEEZER Distinguishing Features: SILVER HAIRS Attainability: SHACKED UP WITH A MODEL Whatever. So sue me. Most men, for some reason, think George Lamb is an utter plinth, but I maintain that … Continue reading

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Face: OUTBACK SHEEP RANCHER Body: TITAN Arms: DRAGON-WRANGLING Personality: ASSIDUOUS Distinguishing Features: HUMILITY Attainability: UNKNOWN This dude knows what’s what. Before he got the role as Jake Sully in Avatar, he was living in his car, FFS. He’s a bit … Continue reading

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Face: SCANDI-LICIOUS Body: MINNESOTAN TREE SURGEON Arms: HED-LOCK Personality: WHO CARES? Distinguishing Features: FURROWED BROW Attainability: SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE Was in Troy? CHECK. Looks Swedish? CHECK. Hangs out with Jeff Bridges? CHECK. Over six foot? CHECK. That’s enough … Continue reading

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Face: BETTER THAN RUDY FROM THE CAPRI LOUNGE Body: KEEP TALKIN’, WOAH KEEP TALKIN Arms: AUTOMATIC Personality: SYSTEMATIC Distinguishing Features: HYDROMATIC Attainability: GREASED LIGHTNING! OH… When he wasn’t lugging boxes at Bargain City, dear Jeff was mainly taking drugs, which … Continue reading

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Face: PLIABLE Body: SORRY, WRONG ANSWER – IT WAS AN ALSATIAN Arms: UNRULY Personality: CAPRICIOUS Distinguishing Features: OFFBEAT WIT Attainability: MARRIED If you’ve never been rendered incapacitated with uncontrollable hysteria because of watching Bob Mortimer on TV, then you are … Continue reading

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