Monthly Archives: November 2011

STEVE MCQUEEN

Face: CAREWORN Body: BULLITT-PROOF Arms: TOWERING INFERNOS Personality: THRILL SEEKER Distinguishing features: TIMELESS STYLE Attainability: DEAD When asked who else they would want to look like if they could choose, nearly every straight guy I know would say Steve McQueen. … Continue reading

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PRINCE

Face: THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BOY-GIRL IN THE WORLD Body: LILLIPUTIAN Arms: FUNK PROVIDERS Personality: CREATIVE GENIUS Distinguishing features: EVERYTHING Attainability: SHIT You might not think you find Prince Rogers Nelson physically attractive. I mean, he’s 3 foot 4 and looks … Continue reading

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BEN WHISHAW

Face: DELICATE Body: TWIGLET Arms: PAMPAS GRASS Personality: RELUCTANT Distinguishing features: PROMISING TALENT Attainability: RUMOURS OF GAYNESS Oh you pretty, pretty little thing. You exquisitely wonderful man . . .  Ben Whishaw has the innocent beauty of an ingenue, but … Continue reading

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GENE KELLY

Face: HOLLY-WOULD Body: TWINKLETOES Arms: SHORE LEAVE Personality: POLITICAL Distinguishing features: OH-WHAT-WOW! HE’S THE GREATEST DANCER Attainability: SIX FEET UNDER You know when you were a kid and you were staying at your Grandma’s and she’d watch loads of old … Continue reading

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TONY WARD

Face: MAFIOSO Body: CALIFORNIA DREAM Arms: SAILOR Personality: ARTY Distinguishing features: ROMAN PROFILE Attainability: NOT BAD You might remember Mr Ward from Madonna’s ‘SEX’ book from the early 90s. He was her main squire at the time and maaaan is … Continue reading

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MORTEN HARKET

Face: NORWEGIAN WOULD Body: NORWEGIAN WOOD Arms: SLENDER Personality: NORDIC PASSION Distinguishing features: AGELESS Attainability: FAIRLY GOOD This is how something settled in my brain to say “it’s OK to fancy cartoons”, because the animated drawing of Morten in the … Continue reading

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MICHAEL PALIN

Face: AMENABLE Body: WELL TRAVELLED Arms: POLE TO POLE Personality: BLOODY LOVELY Distinguishing features: SEASONED TRAVELLER Attainability: HAPPILY MARRIED Michael Palin is actually only my second favourite famous Michael – the first is balloon-bellied, Les Miserables-showtune warbling TV presenter and … Continue reading

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