Monthly Archives: September 2011

HEATH LEDGER

Face: AGONIZED Body: BIG’N’TALL Arms: AUSSIE RANCHER Personality: BROODING Distinguishing features: IMMENSE TALENT Attainability: SADLY DEPARTED It’s strange; when Heath Ledger died there were so many people who didn’t know him but felt so very sad about the tragedy. Clearly … Continue reading

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ROBERT DOWNEY JR

Face: FALLEN ANGEL Body: IRON MAN Arms: CONDENSED Personality: PRICKLY Distinguishing features: DOE-EYES Attainability: HAPPILY MARRIED Anyone else ever watch that Elton John video now and then just to see RDJr lip-sync ‘I Want Love’ and imagine he’s saying it … Continue reading

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TOM FORD

Face: PRETTILY PAMPERED Body: SLICK Arms: GAY HONED Personality: PERFECTIONIST Distinguishing features: OVER-ACHIEVER Attainability: HOPELESS Imagine, right, if you could hang around with Tom Ford like ALL THE TIME and he dressed you and gave you a shit tonne of … Continue reading

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VIGGO MORTENSEN

Face: HEXANGONAL Body: GREAT DANE Arms: TWO TOWERS Personality: ARTISTICALLY INCLINED Distinguishing features: MULTI-LINGUAL Attainability: BIT SHITE So, he acts; he writes; he paints; he takes photographs; he makes music; he speaks 5 languages; he storms around looking manly as … Continue reading

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KEANU REEVES

Face: AGELESS Body: MY OWN PRIVATE ID-EAL BODY Arms: THUMBSUCKING Personality: SENSITIVE Distinguishing features: TIME TRAVELLING SKILLS Attainability: UNKNOWN Keanu Reeves is forty seven. FORTY FUCKING SEVEN. That’s hard to comprehend, isn’t it??!?!?!?!?!? As a teenager, I loved him so … Continue reading

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GAEL GARCIA BERNAL

Face: CHE-TASTIC Body: CALIENTE Arms: MUY BIEN Personality: INDUSTRIOUS Distinguishing features: PRETTY GREEN EY-ESSSSSSS Attainability: LOVED UP Another mini-man, but one with so much passion (ay carumba!) that it sort of cancels out the fact that he’s about 4’11”. A … Continue reading

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GEORGE MICHAEL

Face: GREEK GOD Body: HIRSUTE Arms: CYPRIOT BUILDER Personality: BRILLIANTLY SELF-AWARE Distinguishing features: POP LEGEND Attainability: GOOD FOR THE GAYS You don’t know how long I’ve resisted doing this post. If you know me, you know that I love George. … Continue reading

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