JARVIS COCKER

Face: OWLISH
Body: RAMEN NOODLE
Arms: SPINDLY
Personality: DRIZA BONE
Distinguishing features: OBSERVATIONAL SKILLS
Attainability: DIVORCED

If, like us, you spent your teenage years feeling about as confident about yourself as a nun in a wet T.shirt contest, you probably felt that Jarvis identified with you. He told it like it was. He did it with wit. He did it with style. Hence: crush. Now, he looks and sounds exactly the same, but with a smattering of grey in his beard and a newly signed decree nisi. Get the fuck in. As you know, geeks are as cool and sexy just as much as the cool and sexy guys are cool and sexy. WOULD likes to represent. Jarvis – you’ve still got it.

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