JAKE GYLLENHAAL

Face: HAPPY
Body: BUTCH
Arms: MAGNIFICENT
Personality: DELIGHTFUL
Distinguishing features: INTELLIGENCE A-GO-GO
Attainability: UNKNOWN

If you could create the perfect boy mate who then becomes your lover who then becomes your soulmate, he would probably be quite a lot like Jakey here. Apparently one of the nicest human males in the film industry, Jake Gyllenhaal cements his lustability by also being totally fucking gorgeous (and also happens to be a fine actor too). Sweet, funny, approachable, intelligent, politically-minded, liberal, artistic . . . the list goes on ad infinitum. Plus, think about borrowing his sister Maggie’s Miu Miu wardrobe. So many benefits to Jake. SO. MANY.

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