Monthly Archives: July 2011

JAKE GYLLENHAAL

Face: HAPPY Body: BUTCH Arms: MAGNIFICENT Personality: DELIGHTFUL Distinguishing features: INTELLIGENCE A-GO-GO Attainability: UNKNOWN If you could create the perfect boy mate who then becomes your lover who then becomes your soulmate, he would probably be quite a lot like … Continue reading

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CHARLIE SIEM

Face: RALPH LAUREN CAMPAIGN Body: OXFORD ROWER Arms: VIRTUOSO Personality: POSHO Distinguishing features: WORLD-CLASS TALENT Attainability: OK Everyone knows that posh boys aren’t really that sexy because they can never dance and probably like hunting foxes. But this one! Oooh … Continue reading

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TOM HARDY

Face: DEVASTATING Body: STRAPPING Arms: GLADIATOR Personality: WIGGA Distinguishing features: OHHH YEAAAH Attainability: LOCAL Oh my GOD. Just… OH. MY. GOD. I know this blog is all about the dudes, but fucking hell. Tom Hardy is like a God among … Continue reading

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LUKE WILSON

Face: FIFTY PENCE PIECE Body: TEXAN Arms: LASSO-CAPABLE Personality: CHILLAXED Distinguishing features: PEEPERS Attainability: AIREET The curiously angled face of this particular Wilson brother has some excellent advantages: 1) Strong jawline means strong testosterone means maxxx virility; 2) Deep set … Continue reading

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JOHN CUSACK

Face: FAMILIAR Body: NERD-NEXT-DOOR Arms: AS ABOVE Personality: GENIAL Distinguishing features: SWOON-INDUCING ABILITY Attainability: NO IDEA Aww, we love John Cusack, don’t we. Those gently probing eyes, the affable face. I bet he gives good winks. He’s such a charismatic … Continue reading

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