PATRICK SWAYZE

Face: FIT SIMPSONS CHARACTER
Body: BEST BACK IN HOLLYWOOD
Arms: LITHE
Personality: DIRTY DANCER
Distinguishing Features: TRAINED BALLERINA
Attainability: GHOST (SADLY)

My sister once watched Dirty Dancing three times in one day. We can recite the whole script, know every single musical interlude, and can accurately trace the exact undulations of Patrick Swayze’s perfect back muscles like that autistic dude who can draw the whole of London from memory. It’s safe to say we’re fans. He was a major sex-symbol in his youth, teasing innocent young girls like my daughter (sorry, I mean Baby) in Dirty Dancing; sensually shaping wet clay with Demi Moore in Ghost; and taunting an equally fit Keanu Reeves in Point Break (seminal). And he was married to his stunning wife for over thirty years. His death in 2009 from pancreatic cancer means that he’s now sure to be performing lifts in lakes up in heaven. Poor Patrick. He still merengues in our dreams. You’re wild, you’re WILD!

(For Brenda – Swayze fan and supplier of beautiful plants xx)

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